I'm back, so this calls for a joke...

[RcT]

Hello to all,

I've been out of touch for a week or so, due to the downfall of my computer. It's back, so I'm back.

Farmer Joe:

A farmer named Joe was overseeing his herd when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a cloud of dust towards him.

The driver, a young man in an Armani suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses, leans out of the window and asks the farmer, "If I can tell you how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?

Joe looks at the the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks peacefully at his grazing herd and calmly answers, "Okay, sure!"

The yuppie parks his car, whips out his laptop, connects it to his internet-capable mobile phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite that scans the area into an ultra-high-resolution photo. He then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in a nearby major city. Within mere seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data is stored. He then accesses the database through a wirelessly connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response.

Finally, he prints out a full-color i50-page report on his high-tech miniaturized LaserJet printer then turns to the farmer and says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves."

"That's right. Well, I suppose you can take one of my calves," says Joe. He watches the young man as he selects one of his animals and looks in amusement as he the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.

Then Joe says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?"

The young man thinks about it for a second and says, "Okay, why not?"

"You work for the Government," says Joe.

"Wow, that's spot on," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"

"No guessing needed," answered Joe. "You showed up here even though nobody called you; You wanted to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You tried to show me how much smarter you were, and you know nothing about cows... this is a herd of sheep. Now, open your trunk, give me my dog back and get outta here..."

[Russ/40]

OK! Thanks for that one - I liked it

[700rpm]

Haaahahahah! That's funnny!

[quickchange]

heard of cows , flock of sheep. good one.

[CHuDWah]

Originally Posted by quickchange

heard of cows

Yep, I've heard of a herd of cows

[ratamahata]

Sponsored Links (Register now to hide all advertisements)

will take me a week understand the joke ha ha ha, my English It's no enough for long paragraphs... but I try...

[BILL WILLIAMSON]

A man behind a chain link fence at a "FUNNY FARM" was watching a man changing a tire on a Model A across the road beside a CLIFF. Yes, you guessed it, he kicked his lug nuts off the cliff! The inmate suggested he take 1 lug off each of the other wheels and he would be "good to go."
The man said to the inmate, "That was brilliant. How come you're in there, and I'm out here?"
The inmate replied, "I may be crazy, but I'm not stupid."

[BILL WILLIAMSON]

JcT,
And what did you do to your computer? Did you mess up it's TIMING?

[RcT]

Last week, one morning, I opened it and the screen was black. Went to the local Apple store and it was diaosed to have a spent motherboard (whatever that is) and they sent it to the apple depot somewhere and it arrived Fedex today, works like a champ... $280.

[John Duden]

Two fish swim into a cement wall, one looks to the other and says DAM!!!

[30ccpickup]

Do you know the last thing to go through the bugs brain as it smacked the Model 'A's windsheild?...its butt

[700rpm]

When I was very young, my uncle came to visit from his ranch in Montana. He told me he had black horses and white horses, and he discovered that the black horses ate more than the white horses. When I asked him why, he said, "Because we had more black horses than white horses!" Then he laughed and laughed at his little joke. He was my favorite uncle.

[Dan Baron]

It was around 11:00 at night when I came across a guy standing under a street light looking all around. I ask what he was looking for. He said he was looking for his key to his Model A. I asked if I could help him look and asked where about he lost it, and the reply was, Oh... about 100 yards down yarnder as he pionts down the road. So why are you looking here I asked? His reply was that the light was better over here.

[FL&WVMIKE]

There once was this kid, in grade school, who, every day, did all of his drawings in BLACK crayon. He drew the flowers in BLACK, he drew the sun in BLACK, he drew the grass in BLACK, he drew all faces in BLACK, etc. This disturbed his teacher, and the principal very much. They called in the State School Psycologist Staff to see if they could find out if this kid had severe emotional problems. They took him out of school and did batteries of tests, interviewed his parents, studied his background, etc. They could not find what was troubling this kid.
After the unresolved testing was over, the kid, sitting next to him, in class, asked him, just why did he draw everything in BLACK crayon. The kid replied. "The BLACK crayon is the only one I have".
MIKE

[Gravelroad]

A farmer has twenty sick sheep and one dies. How many does he have left? Uhhh, ninteen you say? I guess it works much better when verbalized.

[BILL WILLIAMSON]

A rookie internet guy kept getting a "pop-up" telling him his computer was full of "cookies."
His wife overheard him from his orfice, YELLING, "LIAR, LIAR,I've had this damned thing apart twice and not even a crumb"+&*%#+*&^%$#."

[James Rogers]

Just thought I would add one.
A Pastor goes to the dentist for a set of false teeth. The first Sunday
after he gets his new teeth, he talks for only eight minutes. The second
Sunday, he talks for only ten minutes. The following Sunday, he talks
for 2 hours and 48 minutes.

... The congregation had to mob him to get him down from the pulpit and they
asked him what happened.

The Pastor explains the first Sunday his gums hurt so bad he couldn't
talk for more than 8 minutes. The second Sunday his gums hurt too much
to talk for more than 10 minutes. But, the third Sunday, he put his
wife's teeth in by mistake and he couldn't shut up...

[John Duden]

Originally Posted by James Rogers

Just thought I would add one.
A Pastor goes to the dentist for a set of false teeth. The first Sunday
after he gets his new teeth, he talks for only eight minutes. The second
Sunday, he talks for only ten minutes. The following Sunday, he talks
for 2 hours and 48 minutes.

... The congregation had to mob him to get him down from the pulpit and they
asked him what happened.

The Pastor explains the first Sunday his gums hurt so bad he couldn't
talk for more than 8 minutes. The second Sunday his gums hurt too much
to talk for more than 10 minutes. But, the third Sunday, he put his
wife's teeth in by mistake and he couldn't shut up...

That is hollarias!!!

[BILL WILLIAMSON]

Mr, Tube,
Have you lost your sense of humor? Send us a classic one that you think is funny.

[MrTube]

Originally Posted by BILL WILLIAMSON

Mr, Tube,
Have you lost your sense of humor? Send us a classic one that you think is funny.

of course not, I thought all were funny except the true story. There was just something about that one that rubbed me the wrong way.

But since you asked! Heres my all time favorite. Its long, but worth it IMO.

--

Three men were standing in line to get into heaven one day. Apparently it had been a pretty busy day, though, so Peter had to tell the first one, "Heaven's getting pretty close to full today, and I've been asked to admit only people who have had particularly horrible deaths. So what's your story?"

So the first man replies: "Well, for a while I've suspected my wife has been cheating on me, so today I came home early to try to catch her red-handed. As I came into my 25th floor apartment, I could tell something was wrong, but all my searching around didn't reveal where this other guy could have been hiding. Finally, I went out to the balcony, and sure enough, there was this man hanging off the railing, 25 floors above ground! By now I was really mad, so I started beating on him and kicking him, but wouldn't you know it, he wouldn't fall off. So finally I went back into my apartment and got a hammer and starting hammering on his fingers. Of course, he couldn't stand that for long, so he let go and fell-but even after 25 stories, he fell into the bushes, stunned but okay. I couldn't stand it anymore, so I ran into the kitchen, grabbed the fridge and threw it over the edge where it landed on him, killing him instantly. Unfortunately my shirt got caught on the fridge and it pulled me over with it!


"That sounds like a pretty bad day to me," said Peter, and let the man in. The second man comes up and Peter explains to him about heaven being full, and again asks for his story. "It's been a very strange day. You see, I live on the 26th floor of my apartment building, and every morning I do my exercises out on my balcony. Well, this morning I must have slipped or something, because I fell over the edge. But I got lucky, and caught the railing of the balcony on the floor below me. I knew I couldn't hang on for very long, when suddenly this man burst out onto the balcony. I thought for sure I was saved, when he started beating on me and kicking me. I held on the best I could until he ran into the apartment and grabbed a hammer and started pounding on my hands. Finally I just let go, but again I got lucky and fell into the bushes below, stunned but all right. Just when I was thinking I was going to be okay, this refrigerator comes falling out of the sky and crushes me instantly, and now I'm here."

Once again, Peter had to concede that that sounded like a pretty horrible death. The third man came to the front of the line, and again the whole process was repeated. Peter explained that heaven was full and asked for his story.

"Picture this," says the third man, "I'm hiding naked inside a refrigerator..."