Advice for a New Father

[40fordpu]

Hey guys. I am a new father at the ripe old age of 30. My first and it is a boy. He is 6 months but what I have found is that my hobby, has gone been put aside. Slowly starting to get back into it. What is your advice for a guy like me? I love the hobby but time is limited. How do you guys/dads do it?
Thanks

[Walt Dupont--Me.]

Wate till the kids grow up and get out of the house. Or get him interested in the hobby at a very esarly age. Walt

[Fordors]

Patience is a virtue. Your time will come as your son ages, but realize that he may or may not follow your passions. You are into cars and he might be into music, maybe you like football and he might prefer to play chess someday. Raise him to be the best young man he can be, spend time with him like any other good dad and eventually you'll find the time to be out in the shop. They are only young once.

[mtflat]

Congrats!! Kids are the best investment you'll ever have. But, as as they get older you'll have more time and less $$ for projects. My youngest was 15 and the two oldest out of the house before I had a little time and money for projects.

I have been blessed with three awesome kids who are worth every penny spent and every moment invested. I can't say that about my vehicle projects : )

[Torchie]

Originally Posted by Fordors

Patience is a virtue. Your time will come as your son ages, but realize that he may or may not follow your passions. You are into cars and he might be into music, maybe you like football and he might prefer to play chess someday. Raise him to be the best young man he can be, spend time with him like any other good dad and eventually you'll find the time to be out in the shop. They are only young once.

Very sound advice. Going into something always looks like it will take forever but looking back you will see just how time does fly. Sooner than you can imagine the kids are grown and off on their own. Enjoy the now.

[jkeesey]

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As a father or 2 so far and the 3rd any day now I know how you feel. Im only 24 and have learned once the kids get older they generally want to be with you and are interested in what your doing. once he can walk (within the next year) get a little beat up pedal car and put it near your antique. He will want to be with you in the garage every minute doing the same thing Daddys doing.

[peewee2you]

I concur, with all those before me. I too was a young stepfather at age 22, and my love and hobby was cars, but I always new that if my family needed something and it was a choice between them and my cars, I would part with them. That being said that time never came that I would have to part with them, but for many years they sat, and didn't get worked on, because after having children, then needed a house, then working on the house, still while clothing and feeding the family, and so some 35yrs later, I now have many projects to work on in my retirement, and the same vehicles are with me.. it's lay and wait and your time will come, but part with them only if need be and no other way out, they are just metal and will always be there later. Best of luck to you and your family, happy holidays and good health, remember that stuff is just stuff, and if you have no one to share it with or have fun with it, then truly what good is it just to say you have it and it's worth something. Just my thoughts....

[CT AV8]

My advice is to do with him whatever he wants to do. If it leads back to the car hobby, then so be it. If he loves stick and ball sports, then do that. I had a few cars/projects and when my son was 6 he wanted to race karts. So we sold all our car stuff and bought a kart and a trailer. Then we got a bigger truck, bigger trailer, more karts, engines, tires, etc. and next thing you know, he's 15. We'd had fun and some success but then decided to sell out and took that money to build a hot rod which took a few years. My son's first love since he was 4 was motorcycles. He built a few chopper bikes and a Briggs powered chopper with one of our kart engines when he was around 11,12 years old. So we sold off some of our Early Ford stuff and bought an old Ironhead. Now he's 21 and building and restoring old bikes and I help out chasing down parts, etc, so we're still working together. Bikes are great....you can have a lot more of them because they don't take up much room...lol.
I consider myself lucky. I've been getting my hands dirty with my son for 15 years. But in the end, you have to do what they love doing. It goes by real fast.

[Russ/40]

Never deny time for him, for the sake of a garage project you cant keep your hands off of.
You'll still have time for the cars, it'll just take a lot longer to get things done. I can't go back and do it over. But, you can avoid the mistake up front. I'm amazed someone actually asked the question. A very intelligent one, and one appropriate for the time.

[Chris in MA]

Congrats on the new baby!

I am raising two boys, ages six and eight by myself at age 41. Enjoy your time with the kids. The car has been around for 70 plus years, its not going anywhere. Kids dont stay kids forever.
Once they get a little older, you will find a balance, they might enjoy things such as going for ice cream in the old car and just rides in general or maybe just ice cream... My two think its 'cool'

Occaisionally, you might get to, um... go out for milk in your car... Just dont forget to bring back an ice cream or treat for Mom.

Chris

[Rowdy]

There is nothing like raising kids. My wife and I have 3 girls, the oldest 2 are out on their own in the world and have given us 2 grandsons so far. Never take the time you spend with them for grantit as the time will come when their lives are busy too. If you take the time for them while growing up they will have time for you and respect you when they are adaults.


Also to add. Most of you know alittle over a year ago our youngest (13 at the time) became seriously ill. She spent abit over 3 weeks in ICU at Childrens Hospital in Omaha and 6 weeks in a rehabilitation hospital immediately following that. There is little in life that compares to the pain of not knowing if they are going to live or die and it is all out of your hands, all you can do is watch and pray. Cherrish every moment you have with them. Rod

[Butch11443]

Enjoy every minute with them. It can't be replaced later. My son's were different, one played football & the other was in the marching band. One is into cars and the other Harley's. Had a lot o0f good years wrenching with both of them
Butch

[Old Henry]

You don't have to put your hobby on hold, just change it! My hobby for the 37 years we were raising our 10 children was my children. Whatever they liked to do I did with them. I occassionally tried some of the solo hobbies like R/C planes or modeling but I soon realized that they were very lonely hobbies without my kids that weren't into that kind of thing. So, I set a goal to drive my family to all 49 of the United States that could be driven to in the 15 passenger van with camping trailer behind and we did. Most fell in love with road trips. Some did not.

The first typical "solo" hobby that I finally got into that all 5 of my boys ages 10-25 loved together was R/C planes. We had 5 matching planes we painted different colors so we could tell them apart in the sky and spent a day a week for at least a couple of years doing that together before they all lost interest and I continued with my daily "therapy" flight for many years after until my 15 year old son (last child) wanted to restore "Old Henry" that had been sitting outside by mom's house for 31 years. The joy we had on 100 days over the next year workng together on that car was beyond description. And, frankly, if he hadn't wanted to restore it, it would never have been restored. It was not something I would do by myself and still don't enjoy working on it by myself as much as I did with him now that he's gone. So, I mostly just drive the wheels off of it now on glorious road trips - some with him and my single daughter, some with wife, some with dog, and some with the "Queen Mothers." (To Death Valley here: http://www.fordbarn.com/forum/showthread.php?t=62705)

As far as I can tell, the vote is unanimous - put your kids and family first. The old car will wait. The family will not. It's a major transition for many from thinking about what they want to do to thinking about what wife and kids want to do and getting joy out of their joy rather than just "my own thing." As an attorney I have divorced many women from men who never made that transition and lived out their lives selfishly thinking of themselves all the time rather than who they should have been thinking about. Something to consider.

In just 30 short years (as far from now as when you were born) you're group could look like this: (two year old picture missing 8 more grandchildren and a son and his wife. The fort in the background is something my two oldest boys and I built over a two year period of time with one rule - if they didn't work on it I didn't work on it. We did it together.)

[NYfatboy]

Old Henry,God has blessed you!

[Henry/Kokomo]

Congratulations on your son. I really can't add anything substantive to what others have already said but I agree wholeheartedly. I've been interested in cars and machinery all my life but didn't get started with antique cars until I was almost 61 years old. Still as much fun as it was when I was 15. I've never heard of anyone having regrets that they spent too much time with their family. Enjoy 'em while you can. Time goes much faster as you get older. Unfortunately, like many others, I know this from experience. Merry Christmas to you and yours! Henry

[peewee2you]

Old Henry, wow that's a beautiful family, nice photo, priceless.

[4tford]

Congrats to you and your wife. My advice is to get yourself a project that you really want. When you have a few extra dollars then use them for parts needed. . When money is short there are hundreds of things to do. As long as working on the project is a "normal family" type thing your son will come to you and the project when he is ready. Just make sure there is something to do that in his mind is helping. Maybe just banging on scrap tin is a start. With luck the three of you will grow up together. Father Son and Project.
My 6 year old Grandson knows the difference between 7/16, 1/2 and 9/16"
I wonder if he will be a good block sander????

[Rand]

I've had my Merc longer then My Family...There's been many a times when it has just sat for years , due to son's Baseball, daugter's horse back ridding lessons and 2 other daugters involvment in gymnastics...something my Uncle (who restores model A's) told me many years ago that has stuck with me is...your time will come. My 2 cents is enjoy your kids they are only young once..right now I'm havng a hard time dealing with my son growing up to darn fast (18) As far as this hobby goes.. The best time I have with it was this past summer helping prep and paint my Son's Ranger, and cant forget when my 8 year old daughter sez..lets go for a ride in the Murkery Popa! She love's to stick her arms out the window in the neighborhood...My advice from my Uncle to me to you is...Your time will come and have them helping you in the garage every chance you get
Randy

[PeteVS]

I stopped by a fellow FordBarner's house one Saturday afternoon a couple of years ago and he had his son (about 4?) sitting on the garage floor with an anvil, a body hammer, ear protection and safety glasses (good stuff) and a piece of 18 gauge sheet steel seeing what would happen to it when he hammered on it. He has high hopes.

[raceron1120]

Congrats on becoming a member of the parent'hood'. Lots of good advice here, and I'd like to add a bit.

In this world of digitized technology, I'd strongly recommend that you take pictures, take pictures, and take MORE pictures! The kids grow so fast and in what seems like a few days, they're grown and gone. I have so very few pics of myself and my brothers and now-deceased sister and also deceased dad especially from the 50s. We have 3 kids and took a lot of pics of them as they grew. But it wasn't enough. . .

Also, get involved with them while they're young. Our son, now 36, was on my lap on the tractor almost before he could walk and enjoyed the plowing, hauling firewood, etc. with me and the old 9N. He was a young-un in the late 70s/early 80s and I still remember us riding in a ratty old orange Pinto at the time - he looked at me and said "Dad, jump the ditch like the Dukes of Hazard!" We still laugh at that one. He now has several pickups in various stages of restoration, along wiht 3 sons and a daughter; his oldest is already climbing into the engine compartment of one of his dad's pickups so he can help.

I think the biggest thing I found to help them get involved is to make it interesting for them. If they get bored they won't stick with ya. I had them crawling into the trunks of old cars to retrieve parts that I 'couldn't reach', or getting a wrench or hammer from the toolbox for me.

But no matter what it is, do it with them.

Here's a pic of our oldest daughter (left) her husband (right) and 3 of our grandsons at an old car & farm equipment show a few years ago. The kids were loving it.

[39portlander]

Boy's like Truck's, the Girl's like convertables. It's a win-win situation brother

[40fordpu]

Thanks a lot guys for the comments. Like all wives, well most, mine would prefer the project never existed. I love to get out there and play around. I am an amateur but enjoy working with my hands. For me it is about the process, not the end result. I am trying to do most of it if not all myself so I can step back later, even if it is not perfect and say, "I did that/ We did that?". My son will definitely be involved as much as he wants to be. Just wanted to make sure I was normal in not having any time to work on the truck. Thanks again for all the advice.

[bgarrett]

Originally Posted by 40fordpu

Hey guys. I am a new father at the ripe old age of 30. My first and it is a boy. He is 6 months but what I have found is that my hobby, has gone been put aside. Slowly starting to get back into it. What is your advice for a guy like me? I love the hobby but time is limited. How do you guys/dads do it?
Thanks

For me old cars have never been a hobby. If it had been a hobby, I probably could not have been able to afford it.
Instead driving old cars has been a way of life for me for more than 45 years. As such, it is very inexpensive. I probably spend as much PER YEAR on a car as most people spend PER MONTH on their new car payment.
The newest car I have is a 1966 and I only have something that new because my parents died after owning the car for 25 years. I've had it 17 years but rarely drive it. I have driven my 1939 Ford pickup every day for 17 years and have numerous other drivers including my favorite, a 31 Coupe. You dont have to give up having old cars, you have to give up having a NEW car! (keep one for your wife, if you must)
I considered marrying a woman who asked, "What would I drive?" I suggested she could drive my 57 Chevy and she said she was concerned about breaking down. Meanwhile she was driving a Ford Escort that frequently broke down! With my 57 Chevy came a guaranteed tow truck and mechanic but she couldnt quite understand.

edit: I raised two sons after my wife left when the baby was three years old. Both boys have a working knowledge of mechanical things and the many renthouses I owned.

[Merc Cruzer]

Properly install a child seat in the PU. On the warm Summer nights take him out for a slow drive around the neighborhood. By the time you get home he will be sound asleep. Later in life he will always wonder why that sound of that engine is so comforting.

[ronn]

you either make time for everything you do in life, or you dont.

your choice and you only get one life...........

[Flathead Fever]

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Your car working time has have just been drastically shortened but that's okay. In three-year's he will want to help you work on the cars. Just keep buying the parts for now and spend your time with your son. My three-year-old grandson told me the other day to get off the couch and stop watching TV, it' s not good for you, let's go work on hot rods. I love that kid. You'll have to get creative while he is really small to get "anything" done. When my girts were babies I used to setup a playpen in the garage so I could keep an eye on them sleeping while I worked on cars. I was doing autobody work one day and when my oldest girl was able to walk, Megan took an autobody hammer and was hitting my 1966 Shelby GT-350 with it. right concept, wrong car. They watch everything you do and want to imitate you.

I have two grandsons now and I only buy them toys that are Fords and toys that shoot stuff. I never received a hot wheel from my dad that wasn't some kind of Ford. My first pedal car in 1965 was a pedal Mustang from the Ford Dealer. The Ford brainwashing begins early and I'm carrying on the tradition with the grandsons. My five-year-old grandson was going to San Diego with his family on the freeway and he said, "look, papa has three of those." He took a picture and sent it to me, it was '32 roadster with a flathead. I took the two boys to the local car show and Greyson said, "take our photo with that hot rod". He has good taste, it was a real '32 roadster. I figure in another year he will be able to tell me if it's a 21 stud, 59A or 8BA. When your son starts counting to 24 have him practice on head studs.

Future Ford Barners in training, age five and three. 200 cars and Greyson picked my favorite one to want his picture taken with. I had nothing to do with this, it was all him. There is a reward if you choose the right car. This is what you have to look forward to in just three more years. Each time you show your son an old Ford give him some ice cream. i it's part of the Ford brainwashing. I don't want to tell you to spank him when he see's a Chevy but that's up to you.

[busmania]

I get it that it’s hard with kids and everything that comes with them
In terms of time sucks. Sports, activities, friends etc. All of these things and family is #1 priority. Job #2 to keep it all afloat. Hobbies priority #3. I Find plenty of time for my hobbies including my 40 Ford and other cars. Time management. They are off doing their 30 minutes of tv, I’m off in the garage. 30 minutes at a time adds up. They go to bed, in the garage for an hour or two a couple nights a week. Check out my build and see the progress I’ve made in 9 months. It’s doable if you want it. Take time for you too.

I keep it simple and try to accomplish one thing a day on my car. That could be spending g 2 minutes figuring out a bolt size or 3 hours when kids are in bed getting lots done. It all ads up!

My kids are 7 and 9.

[petehoovie]

Originally Posted by Flathead Fever

Future Ford Barners in training, age five and three. 200 cars and Greyson picked my favorite one to want his picture taken with. I had nothing to do with this, it was all him. There is a reward if you choose the right car. This is what you have to look forward to in just three more years. Each time you show your son an old Ford give him some ice cream. i it's part of the Ford brainwashing. I don't want to tell you to spank him when he see's a Chevy but that's up to you.

Neat little guys...

[jeepguy1948]

Here’s my personal experience, make of it what you will. My dad had been a gear head going back into the ‘40’s. With 3 kids to feed my dad did side work on friends cars in the evenings and as early as 4 or 5 I was in the shop helping him (mostly getting in the way I assume) but by the time I was 6-7 I knew enough to bring the proper tools and such and I think I was a little help. But I was learning, boy, was I learning. My 2 younger brothers had zero interest in cars and preferred to watch TV in the evenings when I was in the shop. My dad passed unexpectedly when I was 18 years and all of a sudden I was maintaining the family cars. I treasure every moment that I spent with him, even now 50 years later. I have always been a gear head and that’s where it started. My (only) kid was a girl and I had hoped that she would take an interest and we could do a car together but it was not to be and my hobby was set aside for 20 years (but I’m back at in now). As I’m sure you are aware, kids always come first so you have to go with the flow. I tried to get a neighbor kid I tested but he could not tear himself away from his game boy tablet, go figure. Good luck and high marks for you, seeking out the advice from (the gray beards) older guys.

[Newc]

Well, my Dad hated old cars, and I knew every one in the neighborhood. I had to move out to buy one. Go figure! Newc

[Ol' Ron]

Great advice
G

[al's28/33]

Keep your garage a safe haven that you can retreat from time to time because new mommies will have their support groups over all the time, there will be countless "play-dates" so you will need a spot that has not been converted to a diaper changing station or a quiet nursing corner. Trust me on this. You'll be out there staring at all the work you have been dreaming about, drooling over and fantasizing in your head. All the while all you hear are crying infants and Thomas the Train in the background thru the door on the other side. You will thank me brother, stay in your safe haven!
Yes be a good father and husband ........... but keep your safe haven.

P.S. I became a dad at 39, now with two children of 13 and 11, I have seen a lot. And my garage saved me.

[jeepguy1948]

Taking the kids for ice cream in the old cars helps too!

[aussie merc]

sounds all good just keep their interest and enjoy them as they grow up [as mentioned trips to get ice-cream or just a Saturday arvo cruise all help] Dont think you will have to push more like apply the brakes a little and nothing helps like arriving at school in the COOL car infront of their mates P.S. get then addicted to Cams Carbs & Compression and drugs dont stand a chance.

[Mickd]

Well....
This thread started in 2012. 40FordPU's boy would be 10 now ! Wonder if he's got grease under his fingernails yet.
Although I didn't bring my first project - a 52 Customline home untill I was 57, I always had hot rod mags lying around had mates in the game, went to the odd car show and no doubt waffled on endlesly about early Fords and always drove one.

One day when my eldest son was an adult he found one of his old "Dinky" toys in the toybox we kept around for the grandkids. It was a British Commer truck (Can't remember who bought him a bloody Commer- can't have been anybody on my side of the family !) So anyway he grinned when he found it because he'd pulled the fat wheels off some other little dinky toy race car and stuck them on the truck. He grinned at me and said something like "Ya could have nipped it the bud then Dad!" I replied that I'm glad I hadn't ! He's now got a BIG shed full of projects - rods, pickups, bikes.

His son, now 17 and 6ft 5inches is a 2nd year machine fitter & just dragged home a 79 F100 that needs a "little" restoring.. He was pretty happy when Grandad helped him fire it up for the first time in 8 years.
It's in the blood !
It gives a man a warm glow when his 17 year old grandson, is quite happy to give his old grandpa a big squeeze in front of his workmates and says "I love you Grandad".
....and I didn't have to work on it. It just happens when you do the right thing for your family.
(Shit ! Was it really over 50 years ago when I watched hid dad wind and squirm his way out into the world ! Time moves faster every year! especially when you're so old that you've outgrown your wisdom teeth. Does that mean that I'm old, but not wise?

Mick

(From the land of the REAL Tasmanian Devil)

[oldandtired]

40fordpu...The best of luck to you. Since my teens I have had two things that have stayed with me throughout my years, the car hobby and a love for hiking/backpacking/travel. I scratched those itches pretty hard until my mid-20's when I sold everything and went to college which didn't end the travelling, but sure killed the car hobby for several years. I got married at age 30 and our first child was born when I was 34. With the age differences between our 2 kids, my younger was still in college when I retired at age 62 and we had one or more grandchild staying with us until I was in my early 70's. Cars were always around, some finished, some not, some vintage, some sports cars, a street rod or two including one my son drove to High School because it had a/c and a stereo. Motorcycles went away when my 4-year-old first child wanted to go ride with Daddy and I decided there were some things I did not want to have to explain to their mother if there was a calamity. Neither of my kids were or are into the car hobby. The kids had activities and sports, and both liked travelling. My daughter loved hiking and packed into the Rockies with me and hiked with me in the Smokies among other places. If I drove to Kansas to pick up another project that ended up going away, they grinned. I would tow the family car out to Kansas, and we would go spend a week in Colorado and then I would go home towing the project and they would head to Branson or Gatlinburg with my wife on the way home. There were lots of things for them to do that they enjoyed on the way to or from places like PA and WI and a week in the Upper Peninsula between Iola and Belleville made the car hobby fun for them even if it was not one of their personal favorites. I go piddle with my vehicles now. I took the street rod back apart to redo 6 years ago and have another project vehicle I have had for at least 20 years that I have been working on again now and then. Most of my time pre-COVID in recent years has been used to take my wife places she hasn't been before as we finally have time to spend with just the two of us after well over 30 years.

[Zax40]

When my daughter was born I was halfway into my first body of frame total rebuild. Progress certainly slowed down. But I would spend an hour here and there as she napped or when she was out with my wife running errands or visiting family. I finished it when she was about 4 and sold it when she was about 6. It was loud, hot, and not really something we could enjoy as a family. It spent a lot of time sitting in the garage looking cool.

When my daughter got to be about 8 I bought another project and over the years built it to about the same state the one I sold was in. My daughter is 17 now and has went to every event or cruise with me in the newer project.

I still regret selling the original one to this day.

[FL&WVMIKE]

Find ways to include your kids in your hobby, and even more importantly... find ways to make it FUN.

Kids like ACTION. Some guys are into guns. They may be into bench rest target shooting. Kids will be cool with that for about 30 minutes, then get bored. If you want to hook them into shooting, bring out the metal targets, dueling trees, reactive targets, etc.

Similar tactics need taken with old cars. Not too many young kids want to go to too many car shows just to sit there all afternoon in the glaring sun. Once they've made a quick trip around to look at the cars, they are usually done. Build a cool wagon, pedal car, etc that THEY can set claim to if you want some real 'buy in' as they get old enough.

Good Luck and Have Fun!!!

[Gene1949]

Congrats on the birth of your son. I don't think it's an "either or" situation. I think it's an opportunity. Let me explain;
Children naturally want to be with their dad. Dads do neat stuff. In the case of my son and daughter and their children I used our hobby to stoke their intellectual curiosity.

[Bored&Stroked]

Well, here we are 11 years later (from the original post) - would be cool if the original poster circled back and let us all know how it is going . . .

[38 coupe]

We can hope the hobby got another generation. I don't have children myself, but I am a second generation in the hobby. I remember going to club meetings, tours, shows (boring), and "family day" with the various clubs my parents were members in. Both my older brother any myself are flathead owners today.