I'm back, so this calls for a joke...

[RcT]

Hello to all,

I've been out of touch for a week or so, due to the downfall of my computer. It's back, so I'm back.

Farmer Joe:

A farmer named Joe was overseeing his herd when suddenly a brand-new BMW advanced out of a cloud of dust towards him.

The driver, a young man in an Armani suit, Gucci shoes, RayBan sunglasses, leans out of the window and asks the farmer, "If I can tell you how many cows and calves you have in your herd, will you give me a calf?

Joe looks at the the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks peacefully at his grazing herd and calmly answers, "Okay, sure!"

The yuppie parks his car, whips out his laptop, connects it to his internet-capable mobile phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite that scans the area into an ultra-high-resolution photo. He then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image processing facility in a nearby major city. Within mere seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image has been processed and the data is stored. He then accesses the database through a wirelessly connected Excel spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes, receives a response.

Finally, he prints out a full-color i50-page report on his high-tech miniaturized LaserJet printer then turns to the farmer and says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves."

"That's right. Well, I suppose you can take one of my calves," says Joe. He watches the young man as he selects one of his animals and looks in amusement as he the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car.

Then Joe says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly what your business is, will you give me back my calf?"

The young man thinks about it for a second and says, "Okay, why not?"

"You work for the Government," says Joe.

"Wow, that's spot on," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"

"No guessing needed," answered Joe. "You showed up here even though nobody called you; You wanted to get paid for an answer I already knew, to a question I never asked. You tried to show me how much smarter you were, and you know nothing about cows... this is a herd of sheep. Now, open your trunk, give me my dog back and get outta here..."

[Russ/40]

OK! Thanks for that one - I liked it

[700rpm]

Haaahahahah! That's funnny!

[quickchange]

heard of cows , flock of sheep. good one.

[ratamahata]

will take me a week understand the joke ha ha ha, my English It's no enough for long paragraphs... but I try...

[BILL WILLIAMSON]

Sponsored Links (Register now to hide all advertisements)

A man behind a chain link fence at a "FUNNY FARM" was watching a man changing a tire on a Model A across the road beside a CLIFF. Yes, you guessed it, he kicked his lug nuts off the cliff! The inmate suggested he take 1 lug off each of the other wheels and he would be "good to go."
The man said to the inmate, "That was brilliant. How come you're in there, and I'm out here?"
The inmate replied, "I may be crazy, but I'm not stupid."

[BILL WILLIAMSON]

JcT,
And what did you do to your computer? Did you mess up it's TIMING?

[RcT]

Last week, one morning, I opened it and the screen was black. Went to the local Apple store and it was diaosed to have a spent motherboard (whatever that is) and they sent it to the apple depot somewhere and it arrived Fedex today, works like a champ... $280.

[John Duden]

Two fish swim into a cement wall, one looks to the other and says DAM!!!

[CHuDWah]

Originally Posted by quickchange

heard of cows

Yep, I've heard of a herd of cows

[30ccpickup]

Do you know the last thing to go through the bugs brain as it smacked the Model 'A's windsheild?...its butt

[700rpm]

When I was very young, my uncle came to visit from his ranch in Montana. He told me he had black horses and white horses, and he discovered that the black horses ate more than the white horses. When I asked him why, he said, "Because we had more black horses than white horses!" Then he laughed and laughed at his little joke. He was my favorite uncle.

[Dan Baron]

It was around 11:00 at night when I came across a guy standing under a street light looking all around. I ask what he was looking for. He said he was looking for his key to his Model A. I asked if I could help him look and asked where about he lost it, and the reply was, Oh... about 100 yards down yarnder as he pionts down the road. So why are you looking here I asked? His reply was that the light was better over here.

[FL&WVMIKE]

There once was this kid, in grade school, who, every day, did all of his drawings in BLACK crayon. He drew the flowers in BLACK, he drew the sun in BLACK, he drew the grass in BLACK, he drew all faces in BLACK, etc. This disturbed his teacher, and the principal very much. They called in the State School Psycologist Staff to see if they could find out if this kid had severe emotional problems. They took him out of school and did batteries of tests, interviewed his parents, studied his background, etc. They could not find what was troubling this kid.
After the unresolved testing was over, the kid, sitting next to him, in class, asked him, just why did he draw everything in BLACK crayon. The kid replied. "The BLACK crayon is the only one I have".
MIKE

[Gravelroad]

A farmer has twenty sick sheep and one dies. How many does he have left? Uhhh, ninteen you say? I guess it works much better when verbalized.

[BILL WILLIAMSON]

A rookie internet guy kept getting a "pop-up" telling him his computer was full of "cookies."
His wife overheard him from his orfice, YELLING, "LIAR, LIAR,I've had this damned thing apart twice and not even a crumb"+&*%#+*&^%$#."

[James Rogers]

Just thought I would add one.
A Pastor goes to the dentist for a set of false teeth. The first Sunday
after he gets his new teeth, he talks for only eight minutes. The second
Sunday, he talks for only ten minutes. The following Sunday, he talks
for 2 hours and 48 minutes.

... The congregation had to mob him to get him down from the pulpit and they
asked him what happened.

The Pastor explains the first Sunday his gums hurt so bad he couldn't
talk for more than 8 minutes. The second Sunday his gums hurt too much
to talk for more than 10 minutes. But, the third Sunday, he put his
wife's teeth in by mistake and he couldn't shut up...

[Wuudie]

Okay- no joke but a true story, I remember it distinctly since it was a week before my wedding, and my wife still tells the story (wrong because she cracks up half way thru the story)

10 years ago, I was in my early 30s, at a local car wash, when a nice 20 something blonde in bikini top and short shorts walks up to me in my car wash bay, asking for help.(EVERY GUY'S DREAM) She looked at me showed me her car fob and told me her key chain battery died and she has no way of getting into her locked car. I took her fob (complete with Keys on it) and asked her to walk me over to her car. (Lots of thoughts were racing thru my mind at this point- but the major one, was no one could be this simple minded)

Not one to have a opportunity for a good joke walk away, we walked over to her car- I asked her to go to the passenger side of the car, and I'll go to the driver side and see if I can unlock it.

While she walked over to the passenger side, I stuck her key in and unlocked her door. To which she was amazed- beside her self thankful. She was so excited jumping up and down. she asks how I got her electric opener to work. Here's my opportunity, I said, "listen I'm not trying to be a pervert or anything, I just had you walk over to the other side and I pressed your key thing up against my privates, and my privates act as an antenna when the battery is low and it opened up your doors." She was amazed that that worked, I told her "Next time this happens all you have to do is ask a nice polite gentlemen to do this for you, and it should work"

She believed every word I said- I could just picture this girl in the future asking some guy in Walmart to use his privates to open her car door.

[MrTube]

Originally Posted by Wuudie

Okay- no joke but a true story, I remember it distinctly since it was a week before my wedding, and my wife still tells the story (wrong because she cracks up half way thru the story)

10 years ago, I was in my early 30s, at a local car wash, when a nice 20 something blonde in bikini top and short shorts walks up to me in my car wash bay, asking for help.(EVERY GUY'S DREAM) She looked at me showed me her car fob and told me her key chain battery died and she has no way of getting into her locked car. I took her fob (complete with Keys on it) and asked her to walk me over to her car. (Lots of thoughts were racing thru my mind at this point- but the major one, was no one could be this simple minded)

Not one to have a opportunity for a good joke walk away, we walked over to her car- I asked her to go to the passenger side of the car, and I'll go to the driver side and see if I can unlock it.

While she walked over to the passenger side, I stuck her key in and unlocked her door. To which she was amazed- beside her self thankful. She was so excited jumping up and down. she asks how I got her electric opener to work. Here's my opportunity, I said, "listen I'm not trying to be a pervert or anything, I just had you walk over to the other side and I pressed your key thing up against my privates, and my privates act as an antenna when the battery is low and it opened up your doors." She was amazed that that worked, I told her "Next time this happens all you have to do is ask a nice polite gentlemen to do this for you, and it should work"

She believed every word I said- I could just picture this girl in the future asking some guy in Walmart to use his privates to open her car door.

In all honesty, I'm not impressed.

[John Duden]

Originally Posted by James Rogers

Just thought I would add one.
A Pastor goes to the dentist for a set of false teeth. The first Sunday
after he gets his new teeth, he talks for only eight minutes. The second
Sunday, he talks for only ten minutes. The following Sunday, he talks
for 2 hours and 48 minutes.

... The congregation had to mob him to get him down from the pulpit and they
asked him what happened.

The Pastor explains the first Sunday his gums hurt so bad he couldn't
talk for more than 8 minutes. The second Sunday his gums hurt too much
to talk for more than 10 minutes. But, the third Sunday, he put his
wife's teeth in by mistake and he couldn't shut up...

That is hollarias!!!